


What Are You Rebelling Against?

by carnivalinsidemyhead



Series: Boogie Nights [2]
Category: Take That
Genre: 50s au, Anal Sex, Angst, Covering up homosexual activities, First Time, Image control, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Oral Sex, Rebellion, Repression, implied alcoholism, implied emotional abuse, trigger warning: suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-20
Updated: 2019-06-10
Packaged: 2020-03-08 18:33:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18900280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carnivalinsidemyhead/pseuds/carnivalinsidemyhead
Summary: As far as everyone knows, Mark Owen, star of Everybody Loves Markie, is the most clean cut and wholesome preteen in England.And Nigel Martin Smith is determined to keep it that way. No matter the cost.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Mark’s backstory. Very different in tone to the first story in this series.

Mark sat in his dressing room and sighed, exhausted. He was supposed to go do publicity for Everybody Loves Markie after he changed out of wardrobe into his regular clothes but he just didn’t have the energy for it. “Unofficial” publicity because he would supposedly be out having fun being a kid, maybe playing catch or something, and the show’s official fan magazine would “just happen” to catch him. 

He looked at the outfit they gave him with distaste. Overalls. Again. Like he was freaking Dennis the Menace. 

Playing the country’s most beloved 12 year old who never seemed to grow up and was always cute and sweet and lovably cheeky on television was okay. Really it was.

Having to act like that was really him off camera when he was 19 though, was a pain in the arse.

Robbie was lucky. He might have been a bit younger than Mark, but he looked older and got to play older. He grumbled enough about having to keep up such a wholesome image (even as the “bad boy” of the show he wasn’t allowed to be more than just the tiniest bit naughty and he frequently got caught out being drunk and disorderly) but at least he could actually be the teenager he was when he went out.

They even let him have his hair in a quiff. Eventually.

Mark remembered the wobbly feeling in the pit of his stomach and how he hadn’t been able to stop blushing the day Robbie showed up on set looking for all the world just like Elvis Presley with his black hair piled up in a quiff and wearing a pair of tight, tight drainpipe trousers. He was so gorgeous he took Mark’s breath away. And he knew it; giving Mark a wink that told him he could tell exactly what Mark was thinking and he liked it. A lot. But Mark didn’t say anything that day. He wasn’t sure what to say if he was honest. Or what the use was, really.

Because if he couldn’t even be a regular teenage boy, he was never going to be allowed to be a teenage boy that fancied boys.

Still, the two of them kept exchanging these hungry looks off and on from time to time when they thought no one else was looking over a period of weeks and Mark knew they were leading to something but he just didn’t know what. 

He knew what he hoped they were leading to, but he didn’t have much faith in that ever happening. 

He was supposed to go on a date that weekend. Set up by the studio, obviously. He was permitted to appear just old enough to have a cute little puppy love crush on a girl and get photographed holding hands and drinking milkshakes together. Everyone would coo over how precious they were and the fans would eat it up. 

He was glad he’d been matched up with Emma, the show’s lovable girl next door, at least. They were a fan favorite couple because they were both tiny and cute. They always got on well and understood each other. He could deal with “dating” her if he absolutely had to date a girl. 

There was a knock on the door.

“Mark? You decent?” It was Gary, Mark’s big brother on the show and unofficial big brother in life. 

“Yeah. Come on in, Gaz.”

“Hey, just wanted to say I’m having a get together over at mine tonight, if you wanna come by after you’re done with the whole...you know…” Gary gestured vaguely at the overalls.  
“Yeah, alright,” Mark shrugged listlessly.

“You can wear your drainies and your leather jacket and drink and all that, don’t worry. I’m keeping it strictly private.”

Mark grinned. 

“Thanks Gaz.”

“Right, I’ll just be off so you can finish getting yourself dressed...by the way, Rob will be there...he asked especially if you were coming.”

Mark blushed and mentally cursed himself for it. 

“Oh will he? That’s good.” He kept his voice deliberately casual.

“Yeah. Remember, this party is gonna be very, very *intimate*.”

He looked at Mark significantly.

“What are you…”

“I’m saying...you two might want to take advantage while you have the chance…”

“I…”

“Mark, I’m not blind. I just want you to be careful, alright?”

“Aren’t I always?”

“Not when it comes to Robbie you’re not. But if you...er... need privacy with him, then, I got you covered tonight, okay?”

“He’ll probably be too busy pulling birds to even think about that.” Mark sounded dejected.

Gary smiled and shook his head. “Wouldn’t be too sure about that, mate.”

“Anyway, I really am going now. See you 9ish at my place.”  
—

Four hours later, around 9:30, Mark rang Gary’s doorbell and stood running his hands ruefully through his flattop haircut. He hated it and wished they would let him have a quiff like Robbie. But at least his outfit was good: tight black drainpipe trousers, red and black trimmed fitted short sleeve shirt unbuttoned enough to show off a little bit of his chest, black leather jacket, and red cuban heeled boots. 

“Wow.”

Robbie stood in the open doorway gaping at Mark. 

“You look great. I keep forgetting how good you look when ya stop dressing like a little kid.”

“Er...thanks..you..you look really g-good too,” Mark smiled at him a little bit nervously as he walked inside. A Lonnie Donegan record, Rock Island Line,was playing the same two lines over and over, the needle starting to skip as it reached the end. 

Robbie switched off the record player with considerable force. 

“Wish Gaz would get some rock n roll records instead of all this skiffle crap.”

He wandered over to the kitchen and came back with a couple of cans and an opener. 

“Lager?”

Mark nodded. “Yeah, thanks.”

He took the drink and opener from Robbie and popped the can open and took a long swig and looked around.

“Where is everyone, anyway?”

Robbie shrugged. 

“Dunno. It’s been just me and Gaz and Dawn till you showed up. And I think they just went into one of the bedrooms, come to think of it…”

Well, Gary hadn’t been lying when he said it would be intimate.

“Sooooo….what do we do, then?”

Robbie took a swig of lager and looked Mark up and down and grinned.

“S’pose we could go to one of the bedrooms ourselves…”

Mark nearly choked on his lager.

“Unless you don’t want to?”

“No! No I do!” Mark shook his head hastily.

“I...I’m just surprised that you do, is all.”

Robbie gave him a lascivious grin. 

“Oh I definitely want to.”

Mark felt himself growing hot. He was shaking inside but tried to play it cool.

“Alright then, let’s go to the bedroom.” 

“Use the downstairs one! I set it up for ya!” Gary’s voice drifted down from the top of the stairs.

“After you,” Robbie made a sweeping motion with his arms in the direction of the hallway with the bedroom.

The bedroom faced the front of the house and it was quite easy to see into it clearly from outside if the light was right. If Gary has thought more carefully, he might have suggested they take the upstairs bedroom facing the back of the house and claimed the front one for himself and Dawn. And Robbie and Mark might have thought to draw the curtains shut if they were thinking more carefully themselves. 

But none of them considered these things or the possible consequences from them.

Instead, caught up in one another and barely paying heed to their surroundings, Robbie and Mark stumbled into the bedroom, remembering to lock the bedroom door behind them at least, and stood looking at each other and giggling.

“I can’t believe we’re actually…”

Mark was cut off by Robbie pinning him against the wall and crushing his mouth against his own.

“...going to fuck,” he finished somewhat breathlessly a few moments later.

“I know. Me either. God...I’ve been wanting you so fucking bad…”

Robbie nipped at his ears and neck as he spoke, impatiently fumbling with Mark’s buttons.

“Ever since I saw you in your dressing room without your shirt on...god the number of times I wanked over that…”

Mark let out a needy whimper at the mental image Robbie had just given him. 

“Sh-show me.” He dropped his shirt to the floor and stood before him.

Robbie’s eyes widened as he unzipped and took himself in hand and began stroking. 

Mark bit his lip, feeling himself harden as he watched Robbie. He reached a tentative hand out to touch Robbie’s cock himself, a delighted shudder running through him as he felt how it pulsed in his grip.

Their eyes met then and they exchanged a look of disbelief. This was really happening wasn’t it?

“These drainies are too fucking tight,” Robbie muttered as he perched on the edge of the bed, struggling to take off his trousers. 

“Let me..” Mark got on his knees on the floor in front of the bed and pulled from the ankles. 

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. I…”

He pulled himself back up and found himself face level with Rob’s prick.

“I need to…”

He touched his lips to the head, cautiously running his tongue over the tip.

A thrill shot through him and he closed his lips tight enough to create suction and started to slowly take Robbie in, his eyes closing in bliss as he felt him pulsing against his lips and tongue, moaning in pleasure at the slightly salt taste and the satisfying thickness filling his mouth as he bobbed his head.

“Oh god..oh fuck yeah…”

Mark looked up at Rob, who gasped.

“Jesus wept, do you have any idea how good you look with my cock in your mouth?”

Mark slid his lips back up to the top and pulled his mouth away for a moment and smiled at Robbie.

“Well, I have an idea how good your cock looks in my mouth. And how good it feels..” He ran his thumb over the tip, making Rob buck.

“And how good it tastes…” He looked Robbie straight in the eye as he gave his shaft a long, deliberately slow lick.

Robbie shuddered and grasped at Mark’s shoulders. Fuck that felt so good. But he needed something more.

“You must be about to burst out of your trousers, Mark.”

He pulled Mark up on to the bed and reached for his belt buckle with a grin.

“My turn to play with your cock.”

Mark trembled as Robbie undid his belt and fly and carefully inched his trousers down until he was finally down to just his underpants.

Robbie gulped.

“That’s quite the bulge ya got in there.”

“It is?” Mark honestly had no idea how he measured up compared to other boys, though he did note that he was considerably bigger than Rob. (Not that Rob seemed like he was inadequate…)

“HOLY FUCK!!” Robbie shouted out in shock as he pulled Mark’s briefs off.

Mark blushed and put his finger to his lips to shush Rob.

“Sorry, it’s just….how did a little fella like you end up with a cock like that??”

“Just lucky, I guess?” Mark shrugged. He looked down with curiosity at the wonder with which Rob approached it. 

“Is it really that big?”

Robbie, who was less than a second from putting his lips on his cock, pulled back and looked up.

“Can you really not tell?”

Mark shook his head. 

“Not even when you’re with other boys?”

Mark blushed. “I’ve never been with another boy before,” he admitted in a whisper.

“Oh.” Robbie was quiet for a moment.

“H-have you?”

“Me? Course I have. Loads of times. Er...well...a couple at least.”

He reached out and stroked Mark’s cheek and leaned in to kiss him gently on the lips.

“Don’t worry, Markie. I’ll take care of ya.”

Mark smiled at him, half excited, half scared. 

“Good. Cos I don’t have a clue what I’m doing.”

“Coulda fooled me when you were sucking me off,” Robbie gave him a filthy grin.

“That was really your first time doing it?” Mark nodded.

“Wow.” Robbie shook his head. “I guess you’re just a natural.”

“I liked doing it. I liked it a lot.” He smiled at Robbie, shyly. 

“You taste really good.”

Robbie grinned. “Not as good as you taste, I bet.” And he started kissing his way down Mark’s chest and belly to his cock, making Mark giggle. 

“That tickl….oh my god!!” 

He let out a gasp as Robbie took him into his mouth.

The gasp quickly became a moan as he felt Robbie’s lips pressing more tightly around him, slowly dragging up and down, building up a steady rhythm and hitting sensitive spots he didn’t even know he had. 

He’d never felt anything like it before. He didn’t know how anything else could possibly feel any better.

He was so overwhelmed by all the new sensations that he didn’t even realize he was starting to cum until it was happening.

He turned bright red and started to pull away, apologizing, but Robbie just shook his head and carried on sucking, swallowing it all uncomplainingly.

“S-sorry about that.”

Robbie shook his head at him, fondly. “Don’t be. I’m glad you enjoyed it.”

“I did, yeah...a lot.” He nodded at Rob’s still erect member.

“You still haven’t...do you want me to…?” He gestured vaguely, not being entirely sure what exactly he was offering.

“Erm..well that depends on what you feel ready for, I guess. I still really want to fuck ya...but if you’re not ready, y’know since it’s your first time with a boy and all, I’d be happy if you sucked me off a bit more or just wanked me off. Really I would.”

Robbie stood up then and pulled Mark off the bed and stood behind him with arms round his waist and pressed his erection tightly against Mark’s arse, whispering hotly in his ear:

“But I really, *really* want to be inside you.”

Mark shivered.

“I want that too,” he whispered. “I’m scared but I want it too. So much.”


	2. Chapter 2

Mark walked home from Gary’s house later that night with a grin on his face, sore but so very happy. Robbie had been so patient with him, so gentle. Everyone else seemed to think he was a rude, thoughtless little punk but Mark knew better. He knew how sensitive Robbie was and that he acted tough to protect himself. There weren’t many people who he showed his softer side to and Mark felt privileged to be one of them. 

It hadn’t all been soft and gentle, mind you. Mark found himself blushing absolutely scarlet when he thought of how Rob’s cock felt inside him, his hands gripping his hips tight as he hit that spot inside Mark, the one that made his eyes roll in the back of his head, the one he barely even knew he had, the one that made him scream.

He was definitely going to have sweet dreams that night.

He awoke the next day to sunlight shining brightly in his eyes. He squinted and groaned. He’d forgotten to shut the curtains again. He yawned and stretched, wincing as he sat up and checked his bedside clock.

12:45. Fuck.

He bolted straight up, clutching his backside in pain as he did so. He was supposed to meet Emma at Woolworth’s for a lunch date in fifteen minutes.

Groaning, he limped down the hall to the kitchen where the telephone was mounted on the wall. Hopefully she hadn’t left yet. 

“Hello Mrs. Ferguson! Lovely to speak with you! I’m afraid I’m running a bit late for my date with Emma. Is she still in by any chance?”

“She’s just about to step out, Mark, hang on, I’ll just call her over, shall I?”

Over the line, he could hear her calling out “Emma dear! Your young man’s on the line! He seems to be running a bit late!”

“Of course he is!” He heard the sound of her heels clicking across the floor.

“Overslept again, huh?”

“Yeah. Sorry, Em! I can be ready in ten minutes though…”

He stretched and got a whiff of his armpit.

“Err..better make it fifteen. I really need a shower.” 

“Alright, but try not to take too long. You know how Nigel gets.”

Half an hour later, they were seated front and center as planned at the lunch counter and pretending to ignore the photographer sent by Nigel while deliberating posing for him by performing actions like holding hands, feeding each other chips, Mark pretending to laugh at a joke, and Emma kissing him on the nose. 

After about ten minutes of this, the photographer, satisfied that he had enough for the fan magazine, gave them a discreet nod of thanks and left and they took their trays over to a table in the back where they could talk more privately.

Emma watched Mark cringing as he sat down with a raised eyebrow.

“Okay, spill. What were you up to last night?”

“Oh not much...just hanging out with Rob…” He kept his face impassive but his eyes sparkled and he blushed a bit.

She smiled and shook her head. “You’re glowing, you know. Must have been quite the time “hanging out…”

She leaned across the table and whispered in his ear, “is that why you can’t sit?”

He nodded slowly and whispered back, “you can’t tell a soul, okay?”

She mimed zipping her lips and crossed her heart. “My lips are sealed. Scout’s honor.”

“You told me you were never in Scouts.”

She rolled her eyes. “It’s just an expression. Point is, you can trust me.”  
—-  
When he went back to work a few days later, all hell had broken out on set.

 

“Owen! Williams! In my office! NOW!!” Nigel, the show’s producer, was absolutely purple with fury and waving a stack of tabloids at them.

“Care to explain this?” He pointed at the headline: “TV stars suspected of unnatural intimacy: Rumors of homosexual encounters rampant.” There was a picture of Mark and Robbie next to the headline, Mark looking up adoringly at Rob.

They both didn’t say anything.

Nigel sighed dramatically.

“Look. I don’t give a shit what you two do. But we need to do damage control before this ruins us. For god’s sake, it’s not even legal!”

He sat at his desk thinking for a moment or two. Then he walked out without a word and returned with Emma in tow and looked at her and Mark.

“Congratulations! You two are going steady now!”

He paced around as he talked, barking out orders. “We’ll work it into the show. Age you up a bit. Something about love making you grow up finally. And we’re launching a major  
PDA campaign. I want to see pictures of the pair of you canoodling in every fan magazine and tabloid out there, is that clear?”

They nodded at him.

“What should I do, then?” Asked Robbie. 

“You’ll try keeping a low profile and staying sober for a change. Think you can manage that?” 

He nodded, eyes down and fists clenched.

“Right. Well if we’re all in agreement, you can get out of my office.”

They made a hasty exit for the door. Robbie stalked off to his dressing room and slammed the door.

Emma turned to Mark with a worried expression. “I’m sorry, Mark. I swear I didn’t tell anyone what you told me!”

“I never thought you did,” he reassured her. “And I’m the one who’s sorry. If you’re stuck going steady with me, you’re not going to be able to have a real boyfriend and that’s not fair is it?”

She squeezed his hand and kissed the top of his head and shrugged, a wistful smile on her face.

“That’s showbiz for ya. Besides, what are friends for?”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Emma’s character name comes from her role on Fortysomething and Gary’s comes from one of the band nicknames.

“And action!” 

Mark sat up in the bed, Gary sitting at the foot of the bed.

“Hey Lander?”

“Yeah Markie?”

“What does it mean when you get a funny feeling in your stomach when ya see a girl? Kinda like you’re gonna throw up but in a nice kind of way?”

“It means you’re in love, kiddo.”

The camera panned to Mark doing an “Oh my goodness” open mouthed gape of astonishment.

“In love??! Gosh!!” 

“Lander” smiled at him benevolently.

“What makes you ask?”

“Oh...um...y’see...y’know how I went to Bobby’s birthday party yesterday?”

“Yeah?”

“Well...um...Laura was there too and she had this real pretty dress on and looked really swell and I...it made me feel all funny when I looked at her…”

“Sounds to me like you’ve got a crush, Short Stuff. I tell you one thing, though, it’s a good job Laura’s not too tall herself. Otherwise you’d have to stand on a chair to kiss her!”

Mark pouted. “I’m telling Mum you’re making fun of me.” He started to climb out of the bed.

“Lander” looked alarmed and hastily apologized, adding “I won’t say anything about this to Mum and Dad if you don’t want me to.”

“Thanks Lander. You’re a swell big brother.”

“Lander” smiled at him. “Aww thanks kid. Anytime you need any advice about girls  
you just let me know.”

“Thanks. But I think I might ask Bobby cos he’s got a girlfriend and you don’t.”

“Lander” gave him a “rub it in why don’t ya, kid?” look and Mark responded with a shrug and an impish grin.

“And...scene! Take five everyone!” Kim, the director, called out.

Gary and Mark stepped off the soundstage as the crew came in to set up the next scene.

They headed over to a quiet corner of the set to talk, speaking in hushed voices to avoid being overheard.

“How’s it been going with Emma, then?” 

Mark shrugged. “Emma? It’s fine. She’s great. Been a real trooper she has.”

“I saw your picture in a couple of papers. You two looked pretty lovey dovey.”

Mark smiled somewhat grimly. “D’ya think it’s workin’ then?”

Gary shrugged. “Dunno. Probably should if you keep it up a bit longer and aren’t seen with Robbie off set for the time being. There’ll probably be a new scandal coming along to distract everyone before we know it, I bet.”

Mark looked at him suspiciously.

“Nige isn’t plotting something is he?” 

“Not as far as I know. I just meant, y’know, in general. The public is fickle and easily distracted.”

“Mmm. S’pose so.”

“Did you ever find out how it got out about you and Rob?” 

“No, not really. I’m guessing maybe someone overheard us talking or maybe your neighbors might have seen something. Or...er...maybe heard us. I...I think I might have been a little bit loud…”

Gary let out a burst of laughter which he hastily covered with a cough. “You really were mate. We could hear you loud and clear two floors up.”

Mark blushed and looked worried. “You don’t think it carried outside do ya?”

“No clue mate.”

“Thanks by the way,” Mark smiled shyly at Gary. “For, y’know, getting me and Rob together.”

“How’s it going with you two?”

Mark grinned. “It’s brilliant. Just brilliant.” He paused and frowned a bit. “Though he does drink an awful lot when Nige is cross with him…”

Gary looked worried. “Mate, when is Nige *not* cross with Robbie?”

Mark sighed. “Not much, lately.”

Gary hesitated a moment before speaking again. 

“Rob isn’t...he..he doesn’t get...erm… violent or anything like that when he’s drunk does he?”

Mark’s eyes widened in shock.

“No! Oh no, no! It’s not like that. It’s just...sometimes... it’s like the light just goes out in him when Nigel calls him stupid and worthless cos he has trouble reading the script sometimes and it’s like the drink is the only thing that makes him forget all that and it breaks my heart cos he’s not stupid and he’s not worthless but he doesn’t believe me when I tell him so.”

—  
(Robbie’s dressing room, two hours later.)

“Mmm...oh god...oh god yeah..suck it baby...fuck yeah that’s it..you can’t get enough can you my little slut?”

Robbie kept up a steady stream of whispered profanities and dirty talk as Mark sucked him off.

“So good...you’re so fucking good at this..god I love you..I swear I do…” He writhed and grabbed at Mark’s short hair.

“Gonna make you feel so good later tonight…”

Mark hummed appreciatively at the notion and looked up at Robbie eagerly which was enough to send him over the edge.

Mark pulled back, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand and looking pleased with himself.

“Can’t wait. I gotta go to the pictures with Emma first but I can be over by 11 I think.”

He grinned at Robbie. “I can’t believe your mum is really going to be gone all weekend.”

Robbie grinned back. “It was a job and a half convincing her she was overdue for a bit of a holiday, I’ll tell you what.”

Mark laughed. “Surprised she didn’t invite you along.”

“Oh she did, she did. But I told her she deserved to go somewhere and relax without her pain in the arse kid bugging her for a couple of days.”

Robbie’s tone was light but his eyes were a bit sad.

Mark smiled gently at him and kissed his cheek. “You’re not, y’know. A pain in the arse that is.”

Robbie looked at him gratefully for a brief moment and then his expression turned to one of mischief and suggestiveness as he gave Mark’s backside a squeeze.

“Don’t mind being a pain in your arse though..” He waggled his eyebrows in a comically exaggerated fashion.

Mark giggled. “One of these days, I might just want to be a pain in yours.”

Robbie smirked. “One of these days, I might just let you.”

-  
Later that night 

After making several deliberate wrong turns to confuse anyone who might be following them, Emma parked her car in front of Rob’s house and took a quick glance around. 

“Coast is clear, looks like. Go get your little arse in there quick Owen.” She playfully gave him a little shove on his backside.

Mark scooted out of the car with his overnight bag and gave her a peck on the cheek. 

“Thanks Em.”

“Don’t do anything stupid, alright? Or at least not too stupid.”

He gave her a look of teasing indignation. “When have me and Rob ever done anything stupid??”

“Do you want the list of stupid things in chronological or alphabetical order?”

He burst out laughing. “Fair enough. You remember what we agreed on, right?”

“If anyone says anything about your not being with me this weekend, you’re visiting your cousins in Dorset.”

“You got it.”

“Hurry up and get yourself inside now. And Mark?” She looked at him seriously.

“Yeah Em?”

“If you need anything, call me. Alright?”

He nodded. “Alright.”

She gave him a quick peck on the lips and then started the car again. “Have fun,” she called as she drove away. “Give Rob my love.”

He walked up to the door and rang the bell with their secret ring, pressing it twice quickly and holding it for a long moment the third time, the special signal that he’d made it there safely, and waited for Rob to answer the door.

The door swung open a moment later and Rob pulled him inside and slammed it shut and then pinned him against the door, kissing him until he was breathless.

“I can’t believe you’re all mine for two whole days,” he grinned at him, eyes sparkling.

He kissed him again and ran his hands up and down his thighs and palmed him through his trousers.

“The things I’m gonna do to you…”


	4. Chapter 4

“FUCK! OH YEAH...THERE! RIGHT THERE! GOD...YES...HARDER!!”

Mark was straddling Robbie, bouncing up and down on his cock and dripping with sweat, frantically working his own length, eyes closed and lips parted.

“Can’t believe you were a virgin only a few months ago..” Robbie muttered as he thrust up into Mark.

“Still haven’t topped yet!” Mark pointed out.

“Do you want to to try that?” He thrust his hips up as he spoke.

“Want to bury that gorgeous prick of yours deep inside me? Feel me around you all nice and hot and tight?”

Mark moaned. “Oh god…”

“Oh you like that idea…”

“Oh yeah..god...I’m gonna cum…”

“Good thing we got time to try it this weekend then!” He thrust up hard one final time and they both came with a cry.

They lay in the bed together, hearts beating fast, Mark resting his head against Robbie’s chest. 

Robbie ran his fingers through Mark’s hair, occasionally leaning down to kiss the top of his head. 

“Wish we could always be like this,” he murmured.

“Mmmm...me too,” Mark muttered sleepily.

Robbie pulled himself up suddenly and looked at Mark.

“Let’s run away! Me and you!”

Mark looked at him in confusion. “Where would we go?”

“I don’t know...somewhere. Somewhere away from this bullshit. Away from fucking Nigel. Away from the stupid show. Away from you having to act like you’re 12. Somewhere where we can be together and no one will give us shit for it.”

“Wouldn’t that be something?”

“It’d be brilliant, mate.”

Mark sighed. “Don’t think it’s possible though.”

“Yeah. I guess not. We’d have to leave England for a start and find some place that’s safe for queers.”

Mark scrunched his face up in thought. “Don’t think that place exists.”

“Me either.” Rob was growing increasingly dejected. 

“At least you fancy birds too, though,” Mark ventured somewhat timidly. “I..I mean..you have a chance to meet a girl and fall in love and all like you’re supposed to…”

“You mean I can get away with not being queer.”

Mark nodded. 

Robbie shook his head. “I’d still be just as queer as you are even if I fell in love with a girl. And anyway I’m not in love with any girls now am I? I’m in love with you.”

Mark looked at him in astonishment. “Y-you are??”

“Course I am, silly. Why do you think I keep telling you that?”

Mark blushed. “You only say it when we’re fuckin’ so I’m never sure if ya really mean it, ya know?”

“Sorry bout that. I guess I get shy about mushy stuff like that.”

Mark wrapped his arms around him and pulled him close for a long kiss. 

“I love you too,” he whispered. “And maybe we can’t run away from the world but we can make the world go away from us right now…”

Robbie snuggled into him. “Make love to me, Mark,” he whispered, all his usual cockiness stripped away. “Please. I need you. Please...make it all go away…”

Mark kissed him then, hot and deep, and then reached for the lube, pushing Robbie’s thighs apart to prepare him and then finally, slowly, carefully and gently entering him, gasping at the heat embracing him and Robbie looking up at him so vulnerable and trusting.

“I got you, Rob. Don’t worry. I’m gonna make it all go away. I promise.”

They barely left the bedroom for the next two days, the hours passing in an endless tangle of making love and sharing secrets. 

“I’m scared, Mark,” Robbie confessed. “I’m scared all the time. So scared I’m going to fuck things up.”

“Is that why you drink so much?”

He nodded. “‘s the only way I can cope with Nigel. With being so thick. With anything really.”

Mark hugged him tight. “You are not thick, don’t talk like that,” he said sternly.

Robbie looked at him sadly. “Mark, I can barely read. If I’m not thick then why can’t I read?”

Mark didn’t have an answer for that. “You’re not thick,” he murmured again. 

“Tell that to Nige why don’t ya?”

“I just might. He needs to quit picking on you so much.”

Robbie looked at him in a panic. “You wouldn’t.. you can’t...he…”

“He’ll what? He’s not gonna fire me, is he? He won’t have a show if he does.”

“Oh no..you’re safe and all. But he’s gonna think I put you up to it and he already hates me enough. Please..just don’t say anything about it.”

“Alright, I won’t.” He clasped his trembling hand and kissed his cheek.

“I’ll keep you safe, Rob. I promise.”


	5. Chapter 5

Nigel’s scheme to divert the public’s attention by manufacturing a romance between Mark and Emma was working brilliantly and fan magazines across the country were declaring the couple to be Britain’s favorite young sweethearts. It was generating a huge amount of positive publicity and more viewers were tuning in than ever.

Which should have made him happy, but he couldn’t seem to let go of blaming Robbie for causing all the trouble in the first place. 

Never mind that Mark always insisted he was just as much to blame as Robbie. Never mind that Gary admitted to being the one who set them up in the first place.

(Never mind that they shouldn’t have to deal with all this aggravation for something done in private on their own time.)

None of that made the slightest difference to Nigel. He needed a scapegoat to blame for nearly causing the ruin of his most profitable young star and nearly causing him the loss of thousands of pounds. It had been a close call. 

Nigel hated close calls.

And so he took it all out on Robbie. If Robbie arrived late to a rehearsal, Nigel would have his bollocks. If he showed up on time, he received contempt. And if he was actually early, the sarcasm was heaped upon him. 

It was the same thing if he showed up sober or tipsy. (Never totally drunk, he wasn’t an idiot.)

Or if he’d memorized all his lines or hadn’t.

In short, it made no difference what Rob did, no matter what, he was never going to please Nigel. And so he gave up trying.

He showed up for rehearsal only if he felt like it. Usually not sober. On filming days, it was anyone’s guess if he would know his lines or his cues. His whole attitude seemed to scream “Go ahead and fire me, I fucking dare you.”

Nobody was really surprised when Nigel called him into his office for a private chat one day.

“You know Rob, I’ve been thinking. Now that we’re focusing more on the Mark and Laura storyline, there’s really not much call for you to be on this show anymore. And, well, frankly, you’re rather a liability.”

“Am I being made redundant, Sir?” The honorific being uttered in a tone of exaggerated politeness.

“Oh no...no of course not. Your contract won’t allow that. You’re merely…” He paused and gave him an oily smile. “Merely being put on suspension. An extended suspension I might add. Think of it as a holiday. And I dare say Bobby might need to appear in the odd episode here and there…”

“What if I get a job with someone else?”

“I’m afraid your contract won’t allow that. And before you ask, you’ve got another two years left on it.”

“I see.” Robbie made himself stay impassive. “Shall I go gather up my things then?”

“One more thing before you do. You need to agree to stay away from Mark.”

“And if I don’t? Sir?”

“If you don’t, you won’t be paid at all during your suspension.”

“You can’t do that!” Robbie protested. 

“Oh but I will. You’ve caused enough trouble.”

There was an uncomfortable silence. Then Nigel spoke again.

“Well? Do I have your word?”

“Yeah.” What choice did he have? He was his family’s sole source of income.

“I won’t see Mark anymore.”


	6. Chapter 6

“I don’t understand,” Mark stared blankly at the phone receiver as if it had somehow mistransmitted Robbie’s words.

“And I thought I was the thick one! Shall I speak more slowly then? I-I doooon’t waaaaant toooo seee yooou aaany mooore.”

“You’re drunk.”

“Might be,” Robbie hiccuped.

“But why?”

“Ya cramp my style. Don’t get me wrong, you’re a hell of a good fuck and we had some laughs and all, but it’s done.”

“But...you said that you were in love with me…” This was uttered in a small voice, nearly a whisper.

There was a long silence. Then Robbie spoke again.

“I lied.” 

And he hung up.

Mark sat on his sofa in stunned silence for a few moments, then reached for the phone again and dialed it with trembling fingers.

“Emma?”

“Mark? What’s going on? Why are you calling in the middle of the night?”

He burst into tears.

“Sweetie what’s wrong? What’s got you so upset?” 

He choked back a sob. 

“R-Rob…”

“Did something happen to Rob? Is he alright? How is he coping with being suspended?” Emma sounded worried.

“I- I don’t know. I hadn’t heard from him all week, he wouldn’t answer his phone and I was getting really worried and then..h-he just called and said h-he wanted to break up with me!”

“Oh Mark…”

He sniffed loudly. “H-he said he w-was lying when he told me he was in love with me…”

“Oh honey…”

“Do you think you could come over? I don’t think I can handle being by myself right now.”

Emma sighed. “I would if I could, love, but you know my mum would accuse you of compromising my virtue if I did that.”

He gave a short laugh at that. “Wasn’t your virtue already compromised when you went to that theatre camp?”

“Well yes, but she doesn’t need to know that now does she?”

She let out a long exhale of breath and spoke again.

“Look, I can’t make any promises but I’ll try and see if I can get away, alright?”

“Thanks Em.”

A little over an hour later, Emma was ringing the buzzer to Mark’s flat.

“I can’t stay too long,” she said as she walked inside, “I told my mum that your pet iguana died and you were distraught over it but I don’t think I can get away with staying here all night.”

“My pet what??”

“Iguana.”

“Riiiiight. Okay. I’ll try to remember that next time I see your mum.”

She gave him a crooked little smile and shrugged. “It was the best I could come up with on short notice. It was either that or your auntie had been suddenly stricken with leprosy.”

He stared at her for a moment and then burst out laughing. And set her off laughing too.

“Yeah, I think the dead lizard was *probably* the better call!” he gasped out a few moments later and smiled appreciatively at her.

“I needed that. Thanks.”

Across town, Robbie was well on his way to polishing off a large bottle of vodka. He knew he’d have a hell of a hangover from it but he couldn’t seem to care.

“Not like things could feel much worse when my life’s already turned to shit,” he thought to himself. 

“Not like I deserve to feel any better either.”

He glared at his reflection in the mirror over his dresser. “You stupid, spineless sack of shit.”

Back at Mark’s, Emma was shaking her head, saying “I don’t understand it. Why would Robbie turn on you so suddenly? Unless…”

“Unless what?” Mark asked apprehensively.

“You don’t suppose Nige put him up to it do you?”

Mark considered this. “Maybe..it does sound like him...but since when has Robbie stopped disobeying Nigel behind his back?”

“Maybe he doesn’t want to push it if he’s already on suspension?” Emma ventured.

Mark shook his head. “No, if he still wanted to be with me, he’d just start being sneakier about it to keep it from Nigel. He’s not doing that and he’s not fighting Nige- assuming this is his doing, so he obviously doesn’t want to be with me.”

“Well the whole thing seems mighty fishy if you ask me,” Emma declared. “And I don’t believe for one second that Robbie just suddenly stopped loving you. So there.”  
-  
Robbie was halfway through the bottle of vodka and becoming more overwhelmed by how trapped he was. The rational, still a tiny bit sober part of his brain was telling him to put down the bottle and go talk to his mum. She’d help him get through this, maybe they could get a lawyer or something…maybe they could fight Nigel.

The frightened, self loathing, drunk part of his brain was a lot more persuasive though. And it was telling him that it was pointless to try and fight Nigel. That it was pointless to try anything. He didn’t know how his mum would manage without his money coming in but he didn’t think he could endure living under the conditions that Nigel has placed upon him.

He didn’t want to live without Mark. What good was that? 

Besides his mum was probably better off without him around. He was nothing but a fuck up and a worry. The insurance would take care of her, right? He wasn’t sure how it all worked but he thought it probably would.

With a heavy sigh, he reached into his desk for a sheet of paper and a pen.

“Dear Mark,” he began.

“I want to tell you 4 things:  
1\. I love you. I truly and honestly do.  
2\. I’m sorry.  
3\. Be braver than me.  
4\. Goodbye.

Love always, 

Rob.”

He carefully folded the note and placed it in his jacket pocket, then tiptoed down the stairs and slipped out the door. 

He walked a little ways until he reached the intersection where he knew there was a blind spot. He waited. And then he stepped in front of the first car coming around the corner. 

The driver didn’t see him coming and he couldn’t stop the car in time. He slammed on his brakes and jumped out and ran to where Robbie was lying face down on the asphalt in front of his car in a pool of blood.

“Oh my god, I didn’t see ya kid, I swear I didn’t see ya. Oh god, I’m so sorry...just..hang in there kid, I’m gonna go get help…”

He ran down the street to the nearest house and pounded on the door, shouting “I NEED TO USE YOUR PHONE! I NEED AN AMBULANCE!”

 

Robbie felt himself going in and out of consciousness. There was a sudden brief moment of intense pain in his head. 

And then there was nothing.


	7. Chapter 7

Mark stared off into space, folding and unfolding the note from Rob over and over. It still didn’t seem real, any of it, the tearful phone call from Rob’s mum, her giving him the note, the funeral, none of it. 

He turned on his television for a moment then quickly switched it off. Robbie’s death was still all over the news. 

He couldn’t help but blame himself. He had told Rob he would keep him safe.

With a sigh, he reluctantly got up from the sofa and walked toward the door, hovering there for a moment and willing himself to leave. He was expected at the studio for the first time since the funeral and it was the last place he wanted to be.  
-  
Twenty minutes into listening to Nigel pretend like he actually gave a shit Robbie was dead, Mark was about to crack. He looked around at his castmates, at Emma and Gary, both with red rimmed, downcast eyes, both looking like they wanted to be there as little as Mark did.

“But as absolutely *tragic* as young Robert’s death is, it would be foolish of us not to take advantage of the outpouring of goodwill coming from the public. For the sake of the show of course.”

There it was. He was wondering what this outburst of alleged humanity had been leading up to.

“I’ve been talking with our writers,” Nigel carried on, “and they’ve come up with some truly touching dialogue for you Mark. Real heart strings tugging stuff.”

Mark frowned. “You already wrote Rob out of the show. Said his character wasn’t important anymore. Now it is?”

“Well we do want to keep the public’s sympathies, don’t we now?”

Emma gave Nigel a look of revulsion. “Do you even hear yourself? Our castmate, our *friend*, an 18 year old KID is dead and all you can think of is how it will affect the stupid bloody show?”

Nigel ignored her. “I’ve got rough copies of next week’s scripts for everyone, so if you’ll all turn to page 10 where Markie gets the news that Bobby has been in a car accident once they’re all passed out…”

“No.”

Nigel regarded Mark with disbelief.

“What do you mean, no?”

“I mean,” he paused, gathering strength, Rob’s last words running through his mind. “Be braver than me.”

He took a breath and began again. “I’m not going to pretend to mourn Rob on screen when I’m not allowed to mourn him off screen. When I can’t speak about what he meant to me. Who he was to me. You can’t use my pain, you have no right to it.”

He stood up from his spot at the table they were all sitting at. 

“I quit.”

Nigel laughed. “You can’t quit, you have a contract.”

Mark was already gathering up his belongings and heading to the door. He looked Nigel dead in the eye. “Sue me.”

“If you walk out of this room, you will never work again. Do you understand me?”

Mark nodded. 

“I don’t care,” he said quietly. 

And he walked out the door without looking back.


End file.
